You dropped your keys
They fell to the floor and woke me
And for the first time
I didn’t even care that you were leaving

You’d really been gone since the day you said
“I do”

You hurt me a hundred times over
You were only in it for yourself
With lie tipped tongue and sapping needs
And I believed when you said I was the bad guy

But I’ve told myself the real truth of you
Over and over till I felt sick inside

Now that the disgust has run empty
And all my hatred drained away
With the setting of far too many suns

When I press my finger into the scar of you
I find memories of the good times
The moments of laughter and hearts pounding
When we saw each other for the first time

And I realize that I don’t miss you as much
As I miss the feelings you sent through my toes
But I can’t help but spend a moment or two
Just to sink back into the times that will never

Ever

Be again

It was a sport bike
Lean and black and fast
And the moment she saw it
She knew she needed to feel the power
Between her thighs

So she said the right things
And laughed and smiled

And left him tied to a tree in the forest somewhere
Pants down and yelling
While she made off and made out
With his motorcycle

Darling, fight the nightmares
The ones that haunt your sleep
As from this distance so far
I pray your heart to keep
Love, please fight the nightmares
The ones that meet your waking eyes
In a world I’ve never had to see
Where skirmishes light the skies
Baby, fight the nightmares
The ones deep in your heart
That crawl in on the wings of doubt
And tear your strength apart
Oh my love, fight the nightmares
The ones that wake me from my sleep
Stay safe my love while out there
And please come home to me

They try to hold you down
They dip their words in venom
Aimed at your weakest part
With intent to make you fear them
But they overplayed their hand
And they didn’t count on you
In all the push and shoveling shit
They forgot this is your world too
So stand up and link arms
You’re so strong when you unite
Demand that they back down
Don’t be afraid to fight
Your voice is beautiful
And NO ONE has the right
To tell you that you can’t be who you are
Push back with all your might
Cause they’ve overplayed their hand
And they didn’t count on you
In all the push and shoveling shit
They forgot this is your world too

the city lights
play across your face
as we drive

and I can’t help myself
there’s so much to see
but I’d rather
stare at you

your eyes melt me
the edge of your jawline
perfection
your hands on the wheel
make me crave
their touch

somehow
you haven’t noticed
that I’m memorizing
your profile
studying you intently
so that even when I close my eyes
I can still see you there
against the back of my lids

and when I open them again
I catch your glance
and the smile
playing at your lips

you’ve known all along
my infatuation
my eyes are fastened on you

You are the rush
of breathing
of leaping
of falling
of sailing
of singing
of dancing
of being

You are the rush
of feelings
of fear
of daring
of courage
of weakness
of elation
of love

 You are the rush in my heart
             Forever

he wanted her weak
He wanted her naive
He didn’t want her to know
She was strong enough to leave

Don’t drink the atmosphere
on an empty stomach
Blue skies only need a line
To drag across the canopy
Of artificial indigo
Turning the earth
To clay and coal

My hands feel empty
Without your fingers interwoven
My shoulders feel cold
Without your arms wrapped around
My lips feel broken
Without your kisses sweetly stolen
My eyes feel swollen
With out the sight of you to fill them
My ears feel aching
Without your words gently spoken
My heart feels bruised
Without you here to hold it

I walked with her for one last time, across the field and along the edge of the woods. More than once we had to stop and let her rest. Her once strong frame made frail with the cancer that ate away at her life. Her face was pale now, hands shaky, and cheeks hollow. But she still had that spark in her eyes. 

I tried my best to smile, and take in the beauty of the day, but my heart was more heavy than the clouds in the eastern sky. I knew, and she knew that this was it. Our last chance to walk free along the path we had tread so many times. We had run this trail as girls together. It was the path I had taken when determined to run away from home at the age of eight. She had been almost twelve, and followed along behind me, yelling that I was being stupid, and to get my butt back home. She was right at the time, but the last thing a little sister wants to admit, is that her older sister is right.

This was the trail my husband had led me down, the night he proposed. It was where my sister had found me crying my guts out after losing my first baby in a miscarriage. She never said a word. Even though she had been trying to get pregnant for years. She just held me and we both sobbed together. 

This path had seen so many of our tears… so many of our hurts, but so many of our hopes and dreams as well. And now here we were. For one final walk along it’s dusty curves. I stole a glance at her as I held her arm. She was looking across the field and at the hills beyond.

“Promise me something.” She said suddenly. I bit my lip, but didn’t respond. “Promise me that you don’t stop.”

“Stop?” I asked confused. “Stop what?”

“Stop living, stop caring, stop putting your heart out there where it can get broken. Don’t stop walking this path, or making your famous cookies, or singing along with the radio. I know you have the heavier burden of being left behind with all the broken bits of life to pick up. I know you’re going to struggle. But don’t give up. Don’t stop finding joy. Don’t stop living. Just… promise me that.”

I was biting my lip hard and trying not to cry, but the tears wouldn’t stop. I pulled her into a hug. 

“Hey,” I choked out, “I’ll do my best okay? I just don’t really know how to do this life thing without my best friend and sister.” We were both sobbing, knowing how much we were going to miss each other. When we finally let go of each other, the sinking sun was starting to color the western sky all shades of orange and red. We turned and made our way slowly back. I wished with all my might that I could stop time and keep it frozen in that one moment forever. But nothing can stop time. 

Three weeks later she was gone. On the long flight home, I let myself be overcome by memories. Some brought smiles, all brought tears. I didn’t know how to uphold my promise to her. I didn’t know how to live. How do you move on from something like that? I didn’t know. But I had a promise to keep.

Some days I feel I’ve done well. Other’s I feel that I’ve let her down. But I keep on going. I don’t give up. It took me a while before I sang again. And even longer before I could stomach making cookies and thinking of her always stealing the batter. But yesterday I took the biggest step of all. I went on a walk, our walk.

I had flown back to help with a few things, and found myself outside. With a deep breath, I walked down that old path that was nearly overgrown with disuse. My ache was almost unbearable, walking that trail alone. But I found myself looking forward to each new landmark. The stump we had used as a table for our tea parties, the tree I had hidden behind the one night she had walked home alone from her boyfriend’s house. She had screamed louder than I had ever heard when I jumped out at her. There was the root I twisted my ankle on so badly that she had to carry me home. The bend in the path where she had convinced me to come home in my runaway attempt. And there … there was where we had stood, where I had promised her to “live and not give up”. 

I took a moment just to stand there, eyes closed, remembering her. And then I got it. She knew how I let tragedy bury me. How I ran from memories that hurt, how I tried to erase them. But she didn’t want me to erase these. She wanted me to remember these moments. All the beautiful, crazy times we had together. She wanted me to see past my loss, and remember all the things that had shaped my life, and remember her and all the wonderful things we had shared together. She wanted me to “live” for both of us.

The moment I said “yes”.

I saw it in your eyes
Before you ever said a word
You were playing the martyr
To do what you knew was right
And sacrificing our love

You had placed it on trail
You had sentenced it
You had tied it to the stake
And lit the flames beneath it
Letting it slowly dissolve to ashes

I saw it in your eyes
And while I knew I couldn’t change
The resolve upon your face
I still couldn’t help look at you
As anything but the executioner

davidwduffy replied to your post: davidwduffy replied to your post: davidwduffy…

Yep, indeed. But it’s oh-so worth it, with some fresh apple juice and ice!

Hehe I’ll take your word for it  :D

davidwduffy replied to your post: davidwduffy replied to your post: So how about…

WOOP! I’ll smuggle in some Żubrówka - it’s illegal where you are! :P

Rofl! Awesome. Nothing like breaking the law a little hahaha!